I remember a time in high school when I felt overlooked by the Christian club at my school.
Ironically, I’m a leader in the club now, but at the time I was overwhelmed by envy, hatred, and a sense of worthlessness. Whenever the club members called themselves “leaders”, all I saw was what could have been me. I longed to be used by God in a powerful way at my school, and I felt like I belonged in a leadership position.
That being said, something kept me from flat-out asking if I could join the leadership team. Deep down, I knew my motives weren’t right. How is it possible that I feel jealousy over something that’s supposed to be all about God?
I was reminded of the passage in Matthew, where Jesus says…
But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.
It was a slow and grueling process for me. I’m still not perfect, but over the past few months God has shown me more of what it looks to serve, and lead, selflessly.
While I was so concerned about being noticed, being involved, and feeling important, God kept reminding me it’s not about me!
In fact, at that time in my life everything was ultimately rooted in a selfish motive. I wanted to be successful in academics for prestige and my own sense of accomplishment. I wanted to be popular in school so I could value myself more. I even wanted to do God’s work of ministry for my own selfish purposes. When I recognized this I was able to look back at my life and realize underneath my facade there was a deep, undying selfish nature.
But the beautiful thing is that we don’t have to dwell in these false motives and secret ambitions. When we seek God’s will above our own, we find a relational joy in serving Him! As Christians, God gives us the strength to put our personal longings aside and seek His pleasure.
Let me challenge you today with the same challenge I am confronted with everyday. Look at your life. Look at everything you are doing for God. Is it really for Him? Just because you’re involved in outreach doesn’t mean your heart’s in the right place! If you recognize an area of your life that your selfish nature has clamed, rededicate it to God. I’ve already rededicated Secondly Magazine to God a couple of times;)
I desire God’s will to be done, even if I’m not part of it. I want His kingdom to come, even if I’m not at the center of it.